Children by nature are often noisy and this can feel jarring when they are lost in thought. The social setting is just hard for me and quite exhausting, bear with me. Babies are crap at both being quiet and alone time. Extroverted parents do this because they think, “It’s so … It ended a vicious cycle of self-deprecation and I was able to start accepting me for who I am. Self-awareness can unfortunately come at a price. I don’t really miss other adults. The parents of introverts often worry that the amount of time their child spends alone signifies poor mental health. I find it unstimulating and incredibly boring. Introverts Struggle. Would you befriend someone that you thought was unfriendly? Being self-aware means being completely in tune with who you are as an individual. All of a sudden, I wasn’t needed to take them places. It can be tough out there for introvert parents. The Joys & Struggles Of Raising Children More Social Than You. You don’t raise your hand in class or … Don’t get me wrong, the struggles of being an introverted mom are still there but now I have a better understanding of who I am and why I react differently to others around me in similar situations. Being an introvert mom is exhausting because someone always needs you and there's no quiet but you are strong because you're a mother. ... Introverts Struggle. Befriend another introvert parent. You become easily overwhelmed. All of the activities of the day such as work, appointments, and phone calls take a toll on us as they require interaction after interaction. I’m not a weirdo and I’m not even anti-social. That’s not to say that we can’t have fun but we crave meaningful relationships with the people we spend our time with. If you've met me in person, that may come as a surprise to you because I'm not shy - I'm introverted. Yep, there’s guilt here too. It is an incredible superpower to have but when used in the wrong way it can be detrimental. Fortunately, this usually isn’t the case. They can just seem like too much of a good thing, especially for more introverted parents [emphasis added]. At first, I was convinced that it was just a matter of adjusting to my changing reality but when I found myself still struggling with the same issues years after the move, and years after my children were born, I knew I needed to dig deeper to find some answers. This is a great article, I find myself trying to check off boxes to see if I am an introvert! Fast forward to my current state of blissful motherhood and nothing has changed. While the extrovert thrives in this particular setting, we, the introverts find ourselves drained and all pooped-out way before things start winding down. For years I wondered what was wrong with me. There is no shame in that. February 2, 2015 Updated November 16, 2018. You are an awesome rare breed. I just need this time alone to recharge and rejuvenate my being. Expected to be comfortable with making small talk. National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research: Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture? Your thoughts, your emotions, and your whole being are now shared facets of your existence, and that in itself can be overwhelming. Unfortunately, a mom’s work is never done, and some days it may be impossible to get some time to yourself. I berate myself for making plans in the first place and I bestow importance on the silliest of things that would give me an out. 7. You brought tears to my eyes! The great thing about this is that as an introvert, you are very self-aware and can identify your limitations. And let’s face it, some people just want friends that they can have fun with, but for us introverts, having a friend digs past any of that superficiality. They tend to take in more environmental cues and thus need silence and solitude to process it or else they become overwhelmed or spent. Most people would see this as an opportunity to meet new people. Like, can’t the laundry wait till tomorrow? Not too long ago, I woke up one day and decided I was going to be attentive to, and present with, my kids the whole day. My childhood and young adult life were pretty “normal” and I didn’t seem to exhibit the characteristics of an introvert during those years, at least I don’t think so. Thinking back on my life, I realized that at any given time, I only had a few solid friendships and I was completely okay with that. I never realized why I couldn’t wait for my kids to get older until they did. I’ve Had Better. Use it to effect positive change but DO NOT use it to be self-critical to the point that you feel hopeless. Imagine my utter excitement when I found out that there were other people out there who felt the same way! When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat? I’ve read that you’re born an introvert, but genetics is only a part of it. My son is my VERY extroverted child, and we are like night and day, except for the fact that he inherited my incredible good looks. My Day Was Awful. What this means for the introvert is that they become fatigued and overwhelmed and when the next day comes, things seem way more difficult to do than they really are. While we’re delighted for … While I love being alone, I don’t like feeling lonely. All people have both introvert and extrovert tendencies when it comes to different situations, but most people are inherently either on one side or the other. As an introverted teen, you’ve likely experienced some kind of bullying. We do live in somewhat different realities, and my struggles to tend to the needs of my extrovert child still exist but because of his age and maturity, we have reached a compromise that is palatable to us both. He finds it difficult to comprehend how anyone would WANT to be alone or do things alone. Other kids in your house are both a blessing and a curse. When I Stopped Being Afraid To Make Mistakes, I Started To Live A Better Life. We feel guilty if one of our kids is extroverted. Introvert parents may question their relevance and worth as a parent, and are at heightened risk of anxiety and depression. There are no absolutes for me. I recently asked our community to share the first tip you’d give to a parent who has just discovered the connection between her introversion and her struggles as a parent. He desires social interaction as much as I crave my solitude. Social engagements can be exhausting for you, You make plans but try to get out of them, You cringe when your child gets invited to a birthday party, You cringe when parent volunteers are needed, You have difficulty making connections or friendships, You end up feeling alone and disconnected, You can’t always get the alone time that you need, You struggle to parent your extroverted child. Give people a chance, you owe it to them and you owe it to yourself. Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth), Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground. “Since you’re so friendly, why don’t you go talk to … Why do social events drain me? I may never see you again, but I want to gain something of substance from our encounter. – know about introverts in india. The moment I realized that I was an introverted mom, my adult life was put into perspective and I could finally come to terms with who I was. There’s No Such Thing Called Failure. To complicate things further, it’s possible for some children to be introverted and to struggle with shyness at the same time. Introverts can struggle with the expectations of parenthood when they seem to go against their own basic needs as a person. Unfortunately, a mom’s work is never done, and some days it may be impossible to get some time to yourself. I believe that because of this gift I am less impulsive and better equipped to make decisions. I may have all the right intentions but if we don’t click and I feel like it’s taking too much out of me to foster the relationship, I’m done. Here’s to finding others like us out there! I love that you can proudly say that you love yourself. It’s in my nature, I’m an introvert. Don’t get me wrong, if it’s something I need to attend, I’ll go. Remember when I said that I’ve got a lot going on in my tiny head? ESTPs like to be in charge of their own schedule and the adjustment of conforming to a routine and the “daily grind” of parenting can be rough for them at times. If you’re an introvert mum like me…or a mum who sometimes finds it tough, know that you’re not alone. Why do I prefer to sit alone in my car at soccer games instead of hanging out with the other moms? The way an introvert's brain works best goes directly against “good" parenting and culture. You’ll probably just catch me hanging around in the back of the room and taking everything in from a distance. I value all of the human connections I have, I really do, but you’d never know that if you were a fly on the wall watching me trying to find any excuse in the book to get out of meeting up with people. This often happens to us introverts because we are misjudged and not given a fair chance at forging relationships. Starting a conversation is hard. Look for activities that encourage drama. You feel like everything you say must be invaluable and perfect. Please don’t take it personally when I don’t make myself available, I am just an introvert doing what she does best. I’m all for it, but you can bet your bottom dollar that before the night is over, I’ll be earnestly craving my alone time. I get incredibly excited, and for a long time, I thought that I just didn’t like having people around. However, these issues, as difficult as they may be, often aren’t the most pressing for … If I had to pick one characteristic that singled me out as an introvert, this would be it. I don’t want to talk about the weather because frankly, it tells me nothing about you. Nailed it! This is so me. Very invigorating!!! I just deal with them more effectively now, or at least I try! Again, I’ll do it if I have to, but rest assured that I’ll be trying to get out of it! Not me, definitely not me. My kids are 16 and 17 now and so they pretty much do things without me. It’s tough being an introvert, and things get even harder when you become a mom. It’s when that email shows up in my inbox, requesting a sign-up to volunteer, is when I cringe a little. A lot goes on in this little head of mine! What’s hard for us introverts is reaching out and asking for help. For the introvert, alone time is not only desired, but it is required for rejuvenation. The Struggle Of The Introverted Mother. They force introverted kids to socialize more. In fact, there are a significant number of struggles of an introvert mom raising an extrovert kid — including having to put myself out there into the … I get mentally depleted with multiple interactions. Umm, yes it can, but nobody needs to know that right? Introverts may struggle with many aspects of the above skills. Well, being an introvert and a blogger makes for a bit of an interesting combination. When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side? The real struggle of being both an introvert and an extrovert that I find to be true for myself is the uncertainty of how you are going to feel in the future. By nature, introverted people need more time to recharge. Do it! It all goes back to fostering meaningful relationships. ESTP parents tend to struggle with a loss of freedom and control in the natural busyness of family life. However, it is possible to raise social kids as an introvert. Nobody does. Actually, “hard” doesn’t do the feeling justice. Fun? I sound like an awful person, but I promise you that I’m slightly likable. I’ll admit, I’m not very good at making small talk. Some of the best moments of my life are spent alone. It’s really simple, Have you told your Friends That you are an Introvert? I can choose to read a book, fiddle around on my phone, clean something, do laundry or even do nothing at all, that’s my call to make and I NEED these moments of solitude like I need air to breathe. The struggles of being an introvert and parent & other randomness Maybe it's just that being with people 24 hours a day -- even the wonderful little beings you created -- is difficult and draining. How Are You Really Doing Today? If you're an introvert and the parent of a small human, it can be very freeing to realize that maybe it's not just that you "don't like the baby stage." In my heart, when I make plans, I have the best of intentions, I really do. I love spending time with my husband and kids but I have to tell you, if I happen to get a few hours to myself, I feel like I’m holding a VIP pass to the best party in town! A parent will want to help a shy child, but support an introverted child. I LOATHE small talk. No surprise—y’all delivered! I won’t even try to get out of it! by Toni Hammer. 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